Hazrat Mufti Ebrahim Desai Saheb Silsilah Ask Islaahi Question
ISLAAHI Q&A PORTAL - CHARACTER (AKHLAQ)
  • How can I stop myself from the habit of speaking lies?

    Question:

     

    I have become the worst of people as I am a compulsive liar. Lying has become my habit such that I do so even when there is no reason and now telling the truth makes me hesitant. As well, some of these lies are so big and have been repeated for so long, I have lost hope in admitting the truth. When I tell a lie, then I lose all hope in Allah Ta\'ala\'s rahmah and the enjoyment in ibadah and I immediately fall into all the other sins I was abstaining from.

     

    Answer:

     

    In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

    As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

     

    The realisation of wrong is a great bounty from Allah Ta’ala. It is an opportunity to make Taubah and reform oneself. You acknowledge having a habit of speaking lies. Seize the opportunity to regret the wrong and change yourself. Speaking lies is very detrimental to your Deen and Dunya.

     

    Allah says:  فَنَجْعَلْ لَعْنَتَ اللَّهِ عَلَى الْكَاذِبِينَ

    Allah’s curse is upon liars.

     

    Allah’s curse means one is deprived of Allah’s mercy. When a person speaks one lie, he will have to speak many more to support that lie. This creates a mental burden on a person to engineer the support for the lie. Eventually a liar gets caught. This brings disgrace and embarrassment upon such a person. People lose trust and confidence in a liar and that leads to further complications in one’s life.

     

    Rasulullah (sallalahu alayhi wasallam) said that the person who leaves out lies and he knows it is wrong, a palace will be prepared for him in the centre of Jannah. (Tirmidhi)

     

    Remind yourself of the evils of speaking lies and the rewards of abstaining from lies. Make a sincere effort to change your habit. Put some pressure on yourself to stop the bad habit for example, every time you speak lies, give R10 (the amount should put a strain on oneself) in Sadaqah. With that, make Taubah and renew your intention.

     

     

     

    Mufti Ebrahim Desai.

    www.tasawwuf.daralmahmood.org

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

  • Who has more rights upon us from our parents, spiritual mentor and teachers?

    Question:

     

     

    I was discussing with a friend of mine regarding the rights of parents, I said that there is nobody after Allah and his Rasool (sallallahu alaihiwasallam) that has more rights upon us than our parents.

     

    He commented that he heard someone say that either our Teachers of Islamic knowledge or our spiritual sheikh is higher, but NOT our Parents.

     

     

     

    Please answer with quotation from reliable books that who has more rights upon us:

     

    a) Our Teacher,

     

    b) Spiritual Sheikh

     

    c) Parents?

     

     

     

    Answer:

     

     

     

    In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

    As-salāmu `alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

     

     

     

    Muhtaram Brother

     

     

     

    A person’s biological parents attend to one’s physical needs and a person’s ustādh (teacher) or shaykh (mentor) attends to one’s spiritual needs. Therefore, when it comes to matters relating to the outer, such as physical khidmah (service) etc then one’s parents will take preference. Matters relating to the spirituality, such as which spiritual exercises one should carry out, then in such matters one’s shaykh and ustādh will take preference. Mawlānā Ashraf `Alī Thānwī Rahimahullah Ta`ālā mentions:

     

     

     

     

     

    Regarding ḥuqūq khidmah (serving-helping) the rights of parents take preference, and regarding iṭā`at wājibāt (obedience) the pīr (shaykh-ustādh) takes preference,

     

     

     

    Imdādul Fatāwā 4/374 Maktabah Dārrul `Ulūm Karāchi

     

     

     

    And Allah knows best.

     

     

     

    Mufti Ebrahim Desai

     

    Dar al- Mahmood

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

  • What to look for in a prospective spouse?

    Question:

     

     

     

    I am planning for a marriage. Please advise me that how can one judge whether the girl I am looking for is religious or not?

     

    In other words what are the criteria which one shuld look in a prospective girl.

     

    Also please make dua for me and also for my nikah.

     

     

     

     

     

    Answer:

     

     

     

    In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

    As-salāmu `alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

     

     

     

    Marriage is one of the major events in a person’s life. This is the time where two individuals from different backgrounds unite to create a new family. Marriage is also a Sunnāh of the prophets.

     

     

     

    The Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wa Sallam has mentioned that a man usually marries a woman for four reasons, her wealth, her beauty, her Deen, or her nobility. Thereafter, Rasullullah said, “May the one who chose a spouse based on Deen be successful.”

     

     

     

    A woman can either make you or break you. If your spouse is pious, she will compromise with you in many aspects of your life. She will bring peace and harmony in your life. She will provide you with much comfort and relief. She will become the coolness for your eyes and will be there to stand by your side at the time of difficulty and hardship. She will give you courage and lift you up at times when you become hopeless and have completely broken down.

     

     

     

    If she does not possess the quality of being righteous, she will only become a burden upon you and make your life miserable.

     

     

     

    If you know a girl whom you are willing to get married to, you should conduct a research on her akhlāq, behavior, personality, who her friends are, what she does, etc. You can find out about all of this by contacting those who know her and are in touch with her such as friends, family members, teachers etc.

     

     

     

    We make Duaa to Allah that he grants you a pious and a loving wife who brings peace and harmony in your life. Ameen.

     

     

     

     

     

    And Allah knows best.

     

     

     

    Mufti Ebrahim Desai

     

    Dar al- Mahmood

     

     

     

  • Is it right for me to bring up the past since I have been wronged by my in-laws?

    Question:

     

    If a wife has been wronged by her sister in laws and in-laws (uncles, aunts, cousins on the whole too) in the past, is it right for her to keep bringing up the past everyday and fight with the husband for it. She says that my life’s two to three years were wronged and she wants the husband to bring back those years for her (which obviously is not possible), otherwise she wants justice for those years. Husband says he can only ask for her forgiveness, but she still keeps herself busy the whole day everyday with the thoughts of the past and keeps cursing her husband for that.

     

    Kindly tell if these actions of her are justified and if they are what can the husband do regarding this.

     

     

     

     

    Answer:

     

     

     

    In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

    As-salāmu `alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

     

     

     

    It is the responsibility of the husband to protect his wife from the criticism of other people. This also includes the criticism from her in-laws. The in-laws have no right to wrongly abuse and criticize the wife. She has left her home in love of her husband. The husband needs to provide her a house in which she may live peacefully away from the criticisms of others in which all of her needs are fulfilled. If the husband is unable to fulfill the rights of his wife, he will be held liable in the court of Allah on the Day of Judgment. If the in-laws are a threat to her, it is the responsibility of the husband to keep his in-laws away from her in this situation so that she is not wrongly harmed from them.

     

     

     

    One should show love and affection towards his wife. If the husband shows her love, there is a chance she may forget what has happened in the past. The husband needs to provide her with utmost comfort. One should say sweet things which will win the heart of his wife. Tell her that you really love her. Tell her that you will always be there for her when she needs you. Make her feel that you are the only person she can turn towards at the time of difficulty and hardship. Try not to bring up things which will make her remember her bitter past. When the wife sees the love and affection from her husband, she will forgive him and overlook his shortcomings. Do Taleem in the house which teaches the virtues and fruits of having patience. This will instill patience in her. May Allah create unity between the husband and wife. Ameen!

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

     

     

     

    Mufti Ebrahim Desai

     

    Dar al- Mahmood

     

     

     

  • Mastoorat Jamaat
  • Troubles of not getting married

    Question:

     

    I understand this is a Q&A thing, but really, I don't know who or where else to turn to. The only thing preventing me from really trying to end my own life is my love for my parents and knowing that the hereafter will be a worse place for me. My life is becoming more and more depressing, and I desperately need advice--I don't know what to do. So my ahwal: I accepted Islam 5 yrs. ago, and I've had a bad habit of watching inappropriate sexual videos & material, and deriving pleasure through my hands. Since I was 13, when I first did this, I've had this problem; this is how I learned I was baaligh. Even to the point where I sometimes find younger children attractive. It drives me mad, and I don't know what to do with myself. It did even take me to touch some younger children inappropriately. I've been trying to stop since I was around 15-16 yrs., before I came to Islam. The only time I've been freed from these shackle-feelings was when I accepted Islam (for about 40 days I didn't fall back into sin), and when I moved out-of-state into madrasah (for almost 4 mths. I didn't look at anything inappropriately or touch my private parts inappropriately, etc.).

     

     While I was living in my home city, after I came to Islam, these bad habits led me into missing salaah, and to do bad in college, which has incurred debt on me (w/ interest); and I was becoming more and more miserable (about 3 yrs. ago). When I moved to live in madrasah and was trying to study deen, I felt a lot better, but I still carried my bad habits with me; after nearly 4 mths., I fell back and missed fasts during Ramadan for the first time. In my 2nd 40 days out in khuruj with brothers in jama`at, I found phones belonging to brothers, and would secretly look at "these videos." And my whole duration staying there in that city, I mostly would stay out of trouble and got along well with brothers, but I was not content inside because when they were unaware, I would sneak and look at their mothers, sisters, daughters, etc.; I just kept finding all sorts of different ways to look at women and resort to "hand pleasure," and I even touched one of the brothers' young daughters inappropriately. I really hate myself for these things and I don't want to keep living like this; I don&g like this; I don't know what to do, really. I've tried to fast many times, and I many times I end up breaking my fast; I once ended up in the hospital trying to do kaffarah from the different Ramadan occasions I ruined.

     

    Anyway, one of my last resort moves I made was when a jama`at came down from out-of-state for 4 mths. in America, and they motivated me that I could change and make my way to India to learn the effort of Deen. So I joined them with intention of spending 4 mths. I didn't finish; I fell back to old habits around 40 days, and I nearly finished 2 chilla, when I couldn't continue. One day, the brothers saw me looking depressing and told the Amir Saheb. So I spoke with Amir Saheb and told him that I don't know if I should continue on, because that day I had resorted to "hand pleasure" 3 times; this included one time where I did this inside the masjid, and I couldn't control myself (my private parts were exposed). So we (me and the Amir Saheb) made mashura, and decided to contact the Amir Saheb of our city, and he asked me to either stay in that particular city where we were or to go home, and for the jama`at to proceed, because a local brother was willing to help me find work and get married (get situated there). This is pretty embarrassing, but I really, really need help. So, I ended up there, and for a month I stayed there in the masjid; because there was internet access and they had a computer, naturally the whole time I was fighting my old habits. They found me a job nearby, and I lasted there for I lasted there for almost 2 weeks when they laid me off. Then, the brothers recommended that I just go back home.

     

    I'm 23 yrs. old now, and I moved back to my starting place, and I feel worse than ever. I've tried to asked to marry someone before, but every time I tried, it never worked out for me. Anyways, now I'm back in my hometown, and the only thing I see myself doing is sleeping all morning, watching these inappropriate videos and resorting to "hand pleasure," and then feeling intense regret, and waiting for my mother to get home, and praying `Ishaa, going to sleep, and the same thing the next day. Every time I try to fix myself, my room has a doorway & "no door" and filled with typical American movies ("Movie Room"); the house is my mother's, and I always end up finding "that one movie" that has "nudity," or "sexual scenes," or "beautiful girls," etc. And I'm not making any progress, in any respect--deeni or dunyawi. Everyday is the same. I feel like I'm walking, or running backwards; I stay indoors mostly--I don't try to chase after women, talk to girls, etc. It really feels like having hot coal holding on to Deen today--for me. Nobody knows about all of this besides those people previously mentioned. My father wants me to work; I don't see myself working in this condition--I don't have consistency, and I can't seem to get my act together. My mother and I were thinking to go back to college; whereas, I don't have the funds, and it's difficult studying Deen for me now--it has become so difficult for me to study these days...I can't get anything done, and I still have a lot to learn about the basics of Islam.

     

    Something in me isn't letting me do anything I value to be important. I've noticed it's better for me when I learn along with others, with environment; and recently, I remembered I have ADD, and I researched and I'm thinking part of my obstacles I'm facing has to do with my ADD diagnosis, which I've had since childhood. But in my city here, the brothers are really no where to be found, and our masjid (the only one in our area) is never open and doesn't allow jama`ats. I love the work the brothers in Da`wah and Tabligh are doing. I contacted the brothers back at the other city where I stayed in madrasah (and was rng forward to) and they said that since I had moved back to my hometown, that I was no longer their responsibility, and that I should contact the brothers of the Halaqa of my state because I am under their jurisdiction. I don't have free transportation to go back and forth to Markaz, and my money is wasting away, and I'm feeling I'm becoming a burden to my family and others; it's making my head throb and it's driving me crazy--I feel like all that's left of "my Deen" is `aqeedah, 5 times salaah, Muslim attire, and some amount of akhlaq. And I don't know what will happen to me if this persists. I feel the only people I have are you, because if I will explain this to doctors and family, etc., they aren't Muslims and they will just tell me to let go of Deen and find a normal job (Haram income), and get a girlfriend. This is burning me inside, and I don't want to eat haram, or earn haram money and eat with it, and I don't want a girlfriend, especially not a non-Muslim, and I don't want this life for me anymore, but I don't know how to quit. Shaytaan & Nafs are disabling me, and I don't know what to do. Please help me!!!

     

     

    Answer:

     

    In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

    As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

     

    Brother, you are 23 years old. You have marriage related tendencies as is clear from your conduct. Such tendencies are natural. Deal with them correctly rather than being overcome with grief due to incorrectly dealing with them. Discuss your feelings and the need to get married with your parents. This is natural and a biological need, you do not have to feel ashamed of confiding in your parents on such issues. Build up the courage and confide in them. Tell them how you feel and the negative consequences of not getting married. You may also discuss your concerns with some seniors or respectable person of the family who may present your concerns to your parents.

     

    There is no point in suppressing your natural demands without adequately addressing them. In the meanwhile, abstain from all those thing that aggravate your passion and also seek assistance through fasting.

     

    The following article on masturbation will also be useful: http://askimam.org/public/question_detail/28758

     

     

     

    And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

     

     

     

    Mufti Ebrahim Desai

     

    Dar al- Mahmood

     

     

     

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